Hey kiddo, Handsome Jack here... and I just played The Stanley Parable, and I have to say, I've never felt so personally attacked by a video game in my life. You play as Stanley, a completely average office employee who spends his entire day pushing buttons, following instructions, and apparently accomplishing absolutely nothing. And I'm sitting there thinking, “Wow. This is what happens when you don't have a proper management structure.”
Seriously, Stanley walks into his office and discovers that every other employee has mysteriously disappeared. And what does he do? Does he immediately notify corporate security? Does he contact management? Does he check the emergency procedures? No. He just starts wandering around.
THIS MAN IS A LIABILITY.
The narrator tells Stanley exactly what to do, and Stanley just ignores him. He goes through the wrong door. He presses buttons he's not supposed to press. He wanders into restricted areas. He actively sabotages the narrative.
Do you know what happens at Hyperion when an employee does that?
Performance review.
Immediate performance review.
And here's the thing, kiddo. The narrator keeps getting more and more frustrated because Stanley won't follow instructions. Which is adorable. I've been a CEO. I've dealt with employees like Stanley. You tell them, “Please complete this extremely simple task,” and suddenly they're asking questions like, “Why?” and “Is this really necessary?”
YES, STANLEY.
IT'S NECESSARY.
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A JOB.
Then Stanley starts discovering all these different endings, and apparently the game wants me to believe that disobeying management is somehow entertaining. You've got secret rooms, hidden buttons, alternate paths, entire sections of the game dedicated to refusing to do what you're told.
Honestly?
This is the worst employee I've ever seen.
And I've employed people on Pandora.
The narrator even tries to manipulate Stanley into following instructions. He changes the story. He creates new rooms. He practically begs Stanley to cooperate. At one point I'm thinking, “Buddy, stop negotiating with him. Just fire him.”
That's what a good CEO does.
You don't argue with an employee for twenty minutes about whether they're going to press a button.
You remove the employee.
Replace them with someone who presses the button.
Problem solved.
And yet, somehow, the game is hilarious. Because eventually you start doing exactly what Stanley does. You stop following the instructions just because you can. You see a button and think, “I wonder what happens if I press this?” You see a door and think, “I wonder what's behind that?” You start intentionally breaking the game just to see how the narrator reacts.
And suddenly you're Stanley.
You've become the problem.
Congratulations, kiddo.
You've been promoted to middle management.
The funniest part is that the game actually understands something very important about corporate life. People will spend enormous amounts of time doing absolutely meaningless things simply because somebody told them to. Stanley has no idea why he's doing anything. He just does it.
Honestly, that's terrifying.
At Hyperion, we called that productivity.
The Stanley Parable is hilarious, weird, clever, and genuinely one of the strangest games I've played. It's basically an interactive argument between an employee and a narrator who desperately wants him to follow procedure.
And I loved every second of it.
10/10, kiddo.
I'd give it 11, but unfortunately Stanley isn't a Hyperion employee.
Because if he were?
I'd fire him.
Then I'd put his office in a museum.
“Here lies Stanley. He had one job.”
