[b]Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion[/b] (HD) is basically what happens if you throw every horror trope and setting into a blender and then [i]serve it in a little plastic baby sippy cup.[/i] If it sounds like I’m being kinda harsh, [i]then I sincerely apologize[/i]; because I actually really like this game; but I can’t deny that it’s pretty simplistic in, [i]well,[/i] [b]just about every regard.[/b] BUT, despite everything against it (or more likely [i]because[/i] of all the things against it), it’s ultimately a fun and casual kind of game with a very endearing personality. [i]oh[/i], and [b]I hope you’re a fan of jumpscares. [i]….it’s literally in the name, bro.[/i] [/b]
At its very basics, [b]Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion[/b] is one of those randomly generated [i]maze games.[/i] You have to get through a thousand rooms to get to the exit, you can save your progress each [i]hundred rooms[/i], and finding your way through [b]one room[/b] takes on average [b]roughly ten seconds.[/b] So… [i]add that all up[/i], and that’s not a whole lot of playtime, [b]tbh.[/b] But we’re missing the bigger picture here, as one of the selling points is that the game is different [i]every single time[/i]; [b]infinitely replayable.[/b] The [i]other[/i] big selling point that I should probably mention is that [b]THE GAME IS FULL OF SUPER LOUD JUMP SCARES RRAAAAHHHHH!!![/b]…...[i]did I scare you?[/i] probably not; [i]it’s just text.[/i] While you’re running through the manor, like [i]maybe every other minute[/i] or so (again, it’s random), something will just be [b]thrown right at your face[/b] and go [b]BOO[/b] and [b]you’ll be all like [i]AACK[/i] [/b] and then [i]you’ll feel really stupid because it was just like a cardboard cutout of a cupcake or a pumpkin or something.[/i] There are also some more legitimately [b]dangerous[/b] encounters with real monsters, so [i]why don’t we take a moment [b]and get to know ‘em![/b] [/i] The [b]swamp thing[/b] shoots slime balls at you to slow you down, but if you just [i]hold down the run button[/i], he should be easy enough to beat. The [b]mutated centipede[/b] has its own holes and burrows around the rooms and can get around pretty quickly, but if you just [i]hold down the run button[/i], he should be easy enough to beat. The [b]possessed school girl[/b] can go straight through any wall, but if you just [i]hold down the run button[/i], she should be easy enough to----[b]are you starting to see a pattern here??[/b] Sure, that’s not [i]every[/i] monster you’ll encounter (what, you think I’m just gonna [b]spoil all of them?[/b]), but aside from freaky appearances, they pretty much all act more or less the same; and you get away from them pretty much [b]more or less the same way every time.[/b] The utter irony of it all is that [b]we’ve got a randomly generated game with randomly generated monster encounters where the whole big selling gimmick is [i]randomly generated jumpscares[/i] [/b], and [i]it somehow couldn’t feel[/i] MORE SCRIPTED. It’s a good script, though; like I still had a lot of fun playing, but there is [b]definitely[/b] an underlying sense of deja vu throughout. [i]spooky.[/i]
On the production value side, [b]Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion[/b] is an overall [i]mixed[/i] but [b]very charming[/b] bag. [i]I might as well get the issues out of the way first.[/i] The game really only has like fifteen different “randomly generated” rooms they throw at you, so you’re going to see the same place [i]over and over[/i] [b]and over and over [i]and over again;[/i] [/b] and sometimes [i]even go through the same room twice[/i] (or even three times…) [i]in a row.[/i] The “themes” for each floor typically consist of [i]the most cliché horror location you can think of[/i], like an underground lab, [i]or a high school[/i], [b]or a prison[/b] (or.. y’know, [b]a haunted house[/b]). [i]Said[/i] locations are almost always [i]completely empty[/i], with SOME rooms having like [i]a chair[/i] or [i]a table[/i] if you’re [b]really lucky.[/b] The visuals in general feel like a 3DS game [b]at best[/b] (I mean, they fit pretty well on that case I made), and the longer it goes on, it feels more and more like that ([i]admittedly really cool[/i]) maze screensaver for [b]Windows 95.[/b] Seriously, [i]how is this[/i] “HD remake” [i]any different from the original version?[/i] Speaking of 3DS games, the overarching plot is about as complicated as [b]Monster Manor[/b] for [b]Streetpass Mii Plaza[/b], and mostly serves as an excuse for your nameless character to [i]even visit the manor in the first place[/i]. But, [i]like, [b]I feel like the game knows all that.[/b] [/i] It knows that its non-existent plot is stupid, because [i]it makes fun of it at every turn[/i]; with “creepy notes” lying everywhere signed by [i]“expendable lab assistant”[/i], or a phone call going [b]“please please PLEASE HELP ME!!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!!….[/b]why’d you pick up the phone? [i]go away, nosy brat![/i]” . It knows most of its locations are pretty generic, which makes the places that ARE pretty inspired [i]stand out even more.[/i] And [b]intentional or not[/b], it knows that the graphics are [b]kinda blocky[/b], which makes the [i]super detailed monsters[/i] (...which still don’t look all that different from the [i]non[/i] HD release) [b]even more of a pants wetting experience.[/b] But even with all the scares going around, the game is also consistently… [i]pretty adorable, actually.[/i] The obvious thing is the “jumpscare” cutouts, with their little chibi designs and big smiles. You’ll also find silly looking posters in [i]pretty much every environment[/i]. oh, and [b]Spooky. [i]what a great character.[/i] [/b] She’s so cute and funny, floating through the floor and dropping [i]epic one liners[/i] before going through the ceiling. Her voice actor does a wonderful job; but honestly the standout performance was [i]that one cute little cat around the middle of the game.[/i] She says a bunch of [b]super menacing things[/b] in a super sweet way, and then [i]just leaves[/i]. [b]not sure what her deal was, honestly.[/b] It’s a good script, though; like I still had a lot of fun playing, but there is [b]definitely[/b] an underlying sense of deja vu throughout. [i]spooky.[/i]
You know what IS different about [b]Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion [i]Heigchh Deee??[/i] [/b] Well, [i]it comes with all the original’s DLC packs free for ten bucks![/i] [b]Spooky’s Doll House[/b] and [b]Karamari Hospital[/b] are kind of some odd inclusions because, [i]aside from Spooky appearing at the end[/i], they really both feel like entirely separate games rather than extras for the same package. They both have just [i]one[/i] setting, have their own unique monsters, and [i]even seem to be trying to tell a complete[/i] (but short) [i]story[/i]. Plus, [b]Doll House[/b] has -GASP!!- [i]combat??[/i]...I mean, it’s pretty clunky, but [i]it’s an attempt.[/i] Judged [i]entirely[/i] on their own, neither game is all that special; I saw one reviewer call them [b]“We have Resident Evil and Silent Hill at home”[/b] (respectively), [i]and [b]yeah…[/b] [/i] that sums it up. Still, included with the main game, [i]they’re both ultimately fun, welcome bite-sized horror.[/i]
I really hope I didn’t come across as overly negative or anything, because [b]I love Spooky’s Mansion.[/b] This game is really just a [i]mood.[/i] Some days, you might want to play some hyper gory horror game of [i]a schizophrenic war veteran fighting his demons and learning to forgive himself for all the innocent lives he’s prematurely ended;[/i] and other days, you’re like “[b]...yeah, Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion sounds pretty sick”.[/b] I had a blast while playing, and [i]considering the insane amount of hidden achievements I missed[/i] (not to mention that I got the “[b]bad ending[/b]”), I could easily see myself beating this [b]again and [i]again.[/i] [/b] It might not be all that complicated, but it is just some [b]super good fun.[/b]
