Hey kiddo, Handsome Jack here... and I just played Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, and apparently somebody decided to make a game where the entire experience is basically one extremely complicated military base and one extremely angry man sneaking around it for several hours.
That's it.
One base.
One mission.
A handful of objectives.
And somehow I still had a fantastic time.
You play as Snake, who apparently has decided that walking normally is beneath him. He crawls through mud, hides in cardboard boxes, sneaks past guards, interrogates people, rescues prisoners, steals vehicles, and generally behaves like the world's most overqualified burglar.
And the stealth?
Beautiful.
You can scout the entire base, mark enemies, study patrol routes, shut down power, use distractions, hide bodies, sneak through the shadows, and carefully plan your approach.
Or you can do what I did.
Walk directly into a restricted area.
Get spotted.
Panic.
Hide in a cardboard box.
Wait.
Walk out.
Get spotted again.
Shoot everyone.
Call a helicopter.
Mission accomplished.
Elite military tactics, kiddo.
The base itself is surprisingly fun to explore because there are so many ways to approach your objectives. You can infiltrate from the front, sneak through the back, climb fences, steal vehicles, snipe from a distance, or just improvise when your brilliant plan inevitably collapses.
And the atmosphere is fantastic. It's dark, tense, and much more serious than your average military shooter. The story is short, but it sets up The Phantom Pain incredibly well and gives you a taste of what the larger game is going to offer.
The biggest problem?
It's tiny.
Kiddo, I have corporations that have longer onboarding videos than this campaign.
You finish the main mission and immediately think, “Wait... that's it?”
Then you discover the side missions.
Then you realize there are different objectives, challenges, collectibles, rankings, and ways to replay everything.
And suddenly you're spending another six hours sneaking around the same military base because apparently I have developed an unhealthy relationship with cardboard boxes.
Still, I can't pretend the game isn't fun. The controls feel fantastic, the stealth is incredibly satisfying, and every successful infiltration makes you feel like a tactical genius.
Until you get caught.
Then you're just a man hiding behind a dumpster while an entire military force searches for you.
8/10, kiddo.
Excellent stealth, fantastic atmosphere, great gameplay, but painfully short for what you're paying for.
I'd give it a 9, but calling this a full game is like calling a Hyperion orientation pamphlet a corporate empire.
It's a demo with ambition.
A very, very good demo.
And honestly?
That's almost worse.
Because now I want the rest.
