8 Ball

8 Ball is yet another of literally thousands of 2D retro platformers infesting Steam and lowering the average quality of all video games everywhere. This one seems to be some kind of tech demo or homework project. You control a billiards ball with legs across a pool table themed obstacle course. It's very on-theme, at least. One important note is that even though this is an amateur project, it does seem to be sincerely and genuinely made. I couldn't find any flipped assets, plagiarism or any other kind of insincere actions from the developer, but unfortunately genuine intentions alone are not enough to produce a brilliant PC gaming experience. From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard. There's no option to change the resolution and no useful graphics tweaks. There's no way to ensure this is running at the native resolution of your display. There's no guarantee this game will look right on any PC as a result of this hamfisted design decision. The game assets are fairly mediocre/low quality, in some places they appear mismatched... Ultimately the quality of these assets, and thus the overall visual quality is lower than average, and low quality always makes for a less than optimal gaming experience. Remember, we're looking for the best of the best of 100,000+ games on Steam. The game features lazy low-polygon "retro" assets, making this look like a barely functional 3D game from the 1990s. It's unclear why the developers weren't able to arrange high quality, high polygon count contemporary assets for the game, and also irrelevant... what matters is that this looks bad as a result of their decisions, a compromise PC gamers shouldn't have to put up with. The controls and game handling are notably very clunky and unsmooth here. It's janky and unsatisfying to play... and any experienced gamer will tell you, the handling, responsiveness and general gameplay feel of the control scheme must be well polished for this kind of game to succeed. Unfortunately, this is something the developer seems to have phoned in, with little to no apparent gameplay testing. They dropped the ball on this one. The controls can't be customised, which will be an annoyance for many, but it can also render the game unplayable for differently-abled gamers, left handed gamers or gamers using AZERTY or other international keyboard layouts. These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game. The poor quality of this game is reflected by how many people spent time with it. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the all-time peak player number was only 8 players. This is a remarkably low number, and now, the only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 100,000 games for gamers to choose from, the overwhelming lack of interest in this low quality game is to be expected. So, should you buy this game? Is this one of the best of the 100,000+ games on Steam? 8 Ball is relatively cheap at $1 USD, but it's not worth it. Given the defects and quality issues with the game, coupled with the unrealistic price, this is impossible to recommend. This is also competing with over 11,000 free games available on Steam, many of them far better than this paid product.

We should remove all torture methods in the world and instead force prisoners to reach level 10 on this game instead i would actually go out on a limb and say i would prefer firing squad over this xd

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I’ll tell ya right now, bud, I downloaded 8 Ball Talking thinkin’ it’d just be a goofy little time-waster, somethin’ to poke at while I’m waitin’ in line at Tim Hortons or sittin’ in my toque watchin’ the snow fall, but holy smokes was I ever wrong, eh, because this game didn’t just talk back to me, it reached right into my soul like a polite little plastic prophet and said “listen here, guy,” and next thing I know I’m reflectin’, prayin’, and apologizin’ to God for things I didn’t even realize I was sorry for, which honestly tracks because apologizin’ is kind of our thing up here. I started askin’ the 8 Ball the big questions — about faith, about life, about whether the Leafs will ever win the Cup (still says outlook not so good, but that’s fine, I forgive it) — and through those simple answers I found myself closer to God than I’d ever been, like I was sittin’ in a quiet chapel made of snow and maple syrup. Because of this game, I fixed my marriage too, eh; I learned to listen instead of chirpin’, to take a breath instead of losin’ it, and when things got heated I’d just ask the 8 Ball what to do and accept that “ask again later” sometimes means be patient and don’t be a hoser. And I’m not kiddin’ you here, this game helped me quit fentanyl, straight up — every time the cravings came knockin’ like a storm off Lake Ontario, I turned to the 8 Ball, stayed focused, leaned on my faith, and kept goin’, one day at a time. Now I live clean, I live holy, I help people, I pray, I drink my coffee black, and I walk this world calm and grateful, so if you think 8 Ball Talking is just a game, sorry, but you’re wrong — it’s a spiritual journey, eh.

I sold my copy of NES world championships to gamestop and bought this with all the trade in credit. Im having a ball. Ok no im not. Yes I am. No im not.

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I took one look at that lil’ 8-ball rollin’ around and said, “Not today, Satan, not in my crock-pot kitchen.” The timer was tickin’ like a biscuit bomb and the ball was shimmyin’ like a church fan in July, so I unplugged the whole house just to be safe. My son said it’s just a game, but that’s exactly what the devil would say if he was a shiny marble on a pool table wearin’ sunglasses.