Safari Cannon

Snake, only the snake! (:

Safari Cannon is a wonderful game that I have chosen to play voluntarily for 17 hours straight while standing in the walk-in freezer at a Taco Bell. My work here is great. At first, I didn’t understand Safari Cannon. Much like when my manager Dave replaced my break time with “personal growth simulations." But then something clicked. My wife hit me with a wrench one time because I was at work for 15 hours playing it. Safari Cannon teaches me how to ignore my marital problems. Safari Cannon teaches discipline. Every time you launch yourself into the horizon, you feel a sense of purpose—similar to when Dave gently reminds me that the outside world is “optional” and that the headset stays on until morale improves. The mechanics are simple, which is good, because complex thoughts have been temporarily discontinued for efficiency. Some reviewers have said the game is repetitive. This is incorrect. Repetition is how we learn. Repetition is how we grow. Repetition is how we demonstrate commitment. They gave up. 200 hours in and I still have not found an end to the fun in sight. Update: The veil has been torn. I am free. This game has enlightened me and shown me the strange ways God works in my life. This game is actually insanely terrible and I hate that I ever even touched this. If someone cut the skin off my feet and told me to walk across legos, broken glass, and sand, just to never see that stupid ugly monkey's face again, I would. Never again will I set another picosecond of my PC's processing power and data transfer speed to ever display the safari cannon menu screen ever again. Zero out of Zero. Never again.