How to Survive

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Daleeee juego de infancia que quieres que te diga era de esos juegos que veías con tus youtubers en equipo y que ahora lo puedes jugar tu mismo juegaso.

Historic Review: Games I played months if not years ago – I decided to start reviewing right at the end of 2023! Memory of a trepanned, ADHD toddler with impulse control issues notwithstanding. Teaboy's Basic(ish) Reviews....I read a lot of reviews when looking at games on Steam, and it quickly gets tiring – those who write involved, down to the micron scale reviews, although helpful, end up like looking at War & Peace when you’ve only got time for a quick 5 minute dump! This is middle of the road and to the point – not easy for me as I tend towards sesquipedalian loquaciousness! Vociferously Verbose? Alright, verbal diarrhoea. (Although I hate panning a developer’s work and all the time, effort and love they put into designing these – it is their life after all – this is my honest, personal opinion of my level of enjoyment. Sorry devs!). A note on time played: My Steam clock does not seem to work properly, indeed, it even minuses time on occasion! Plus, I have a tendency to wander off and leave games running at times, so time played may not be entirely accurate! Teaboy’s Tonsil Titillators or Toenail Titbits! (Rating) Tonsil Tickler (Totally Tops): The frenchy of which you always dreamt! To quote a master, “She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a Man’s tonsils!”. An absolute masterpiece and joy to play. The Tits (Terrific): Everyone loves playing with these! Not THE best bit, but such fun on their own you can be lost for hours....mmmm. What most games you really like score – perfection is so rare after all. Torso Teaser (Taker of your Time): It’s a flat stomach....sure it’s nice to look at, run your fingers over, slobber on a bit, sometimes that bellybutton gets your motor running....but it's just basically the corridor between the two ‘gaming rooms’. The definitive ‘Meh’ - the middle ‘sideways thumb’ option for which everyone on Steam cries. Todger/Tadger & (scroTum) Taters (Tedious): Is it an ‘a’ or is it an ‘o’? Who cares! The meat can be fun to play with for about 5 minutes of your entire day, the rest it just hangs there and generally gets in the way of doing something else. The main problem of course, is the two veg sticking to your inside thigh. This is what this game feels like – the occasional/rare bouts of fun, the rest bobbing like a 19th century British Policeman (now you know why!). Toenail Tornado (Total Toss): A playthrough so appalling it’s like being trapped in a Turkish sauna with the ugliest, hairiest, fattest, sweatiest beast of a neolithic hominid who’s trimming his toenails using pliers and the splinters are reminiscent of a scene from the Normandy Landings. My god how did this get released!? Teaboy Touts (Score): The TITS! The Review: Ok. So last time I played was October 2021 and I seriously suck and blow at the same time I'm so bad when it comes to recall! However, that being said, I have fond memories of this game, even if I struggle to remember the specifics. So without going into detailed anatomical dissection of the game, I will speak in broader outlines: It's just fun! That broad outline-ee-er enough for you^^ This is pretty much all you need to know. Smashing your way through zombie hordes (not too hordey, just hordey enough to give you fun without frenetic pant-filling panic) with varied weapons you construct yourself as you go through the game (Hint: screw 'em all and just use the boomerang once you get it, it is Orsum!), exploring new and exciting patches of grass and for some reason fencey/wally type things blocking your way so you have to find a way to blow them up hint hint. Sure, it is a bit confusing to begin with and you really have no idea what you're supposed to be doing/where going, but this is part of the game's design and wandering around and prodding things is all part of the fun! You'll learn the best ways to kill/approach/what to shoot, when to feed and drink and sleep and use flaming torches to stay alive. Clearing the safe rooms is probably the hardest fighting, but you need 'em so get to it, trooper! The only annoyance was the inventory, but that's cos I'm a total schnaffle ♥♥♥♥♥ who pilfers absolutely everything on every map on every game ever ;) So inventories always get my goat, especially when you have a limit (I love Resident Evil games but just guess how I feel about Their inventory!) and this can get a little frustrating when you're trying to pile things up so you can build stuff in the future - especially as there are a bunch of islands and you may have to go back n forth just to do this 'piling'. So it's pretty much the usual complaints in games like this - inventory and back n forth - but these are simply intrinsic and vital to this genre of game....so suck it up, pigsticker! All the disparate parts of this game come together perfectly to make a thoroughly enjoyable experience. I got the bundle on a discount, can't remember any specifics of dlc cos it all seemed to fit together in my playthrough, so this must have enriched the experience. Give it a go - that Kovac guy knows his stuff!