Age of Empires: Definitive Edition

8/10

Перед посещением английской королевой военного госпиталя в него пожаловала комиссия. У одного из раненых пациентов в палате был обнаружен удивительный порядок и чистота, выстиранные занавесочки, цветочки в вазе, вкусный завтрак на подносе, белоснежное белье, в общем, рай. - Какая красота, - удивляется комиссия. - А позвольте узнать, откуда? - Так санитарки за мной ухаживают как-то по-особенному. - И куда вы ранены, молодой человек? - В х*й. - Да вы что, с ума, что ли сошли?! Завтра королева прибудет, а вы такие вещи говорите. Вы уж, пожалуйста, нас не позорьте, придумайте какой-нибудь другой ответ. - Хорошо. Приходит королева, ходит-бродит, видит такую замечательную палату и тоже не удерживается от вопроса, "Почему?". - Так санитарки ухаживают, Ваше Величество. - А куда же вы ранены? - В низ живота, Ваше Величество. - Хорошо, что не в х*й, - испугалась королева.

I don't like Bill Gates nor his company Microsoft, but this game... Is an absolute masterpiece <3

Just buy AOE1 DLC in AOE2 DE....

Una remasterización pésimamente lograda. Cuesta creer que se haya puesto tan poco esmero en entregar una obra que apenas da para "pasable". No solo la música original se perdió, sino que la IA es tontísima y los propios aliados se bloquean entre sí.

---{ Graphics }--- ☐ You forget what reality is ☑ Beautiful ☐ Good ☐ Decent ☐ Bad ☐ Don‘t look too long at it ☐ MS-DOS ---{ Gameplay }--- ☑ Very good ☐ Good ☐ It's just gameplay ☐ Mehh ☐ Watch paint dry instead ☐ Just don't ---{ Audio }--- ☑ Eargasm ☐ Very good ☐ Good ☐ Not too bad ☐ Bad ☐ I'm now deaf ---{ Audience }--- ☑ Kids ☑ Teens ☑ Adults ☐ Grandma ---{ PC Requirements }--- ☐ Check if you can run paint ☑ Potato ☐ Decent ☐ Fast ☐ Rich boi ☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer ---{ Game Size }--- ☐ Floppy Disk ☐ Old Fashioned ☑ Workable ☐ Big ☐ Will eat 15% of your 1TB hard drive ☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it ☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data ---{ Difficulty }--- ☐ Just press 'W' ☐ Easy ☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☐ Significant brain usage ☐ Difficult ☐ Dark Souls ---{ Grind }--- ☐ Nothing to grind ☐ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks ☐ Isn't necessary to progress ☐ Average grind level ☑ Too much grind ☐ You'll need a second life for grinding ---{ Story }--- ☐ No Story ☐ Some lore ☐ Average ☑ Good ☐ Lovely ☐ It'll replace your life ---{ Game Time }--- ☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee ☐ Short ☐ Average ☐ Long ☑ To infinity and beyond ---{ Price }--- ☐ It's free! ☐ Worth the price ☑ If it's on sale ☐ If u have some spare money left ☐ Not recommended ---{ Bugs }--- ☐ Never heard of ☑ Minor bugs ☐ Can get annoying ☐ ARK: Survival Evolved ☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs ---{ ? / 10 }--- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☑ 10

Der Schwierigkeitsgrad ist unspielbar hoch. Ich habe nach mehren Versuchen nicht einmal die erste Karte der regulären Kampagne (Griechenland) im leichtesten Schwierigkeitsgrad geschafft. Habe auch das Original Age of Empires von 1997 und das war auch in schwierigeren Stufen gut spielbar. Dieses Remake scheint mir nicht besonders ausgereift zu sein, sonst hätte man so ein Problem schon lange gepatcht. Würde es am liebsten umtauschen, das ist nun aber zu spät.

[h1][i]I told my villagers to build a house. They got stuck in a berry bush instead...[/i][/h1] [b]Your friendly Mariner says…[/b] I returned to these ancient shores expecting wisdom, glory, and strategic brilliance. Instead, my villagers still get stuck behind a tree. Some things never change. [table] [tr] [th][b][u]CATEGORY[/u][/b][/th] [th][b][u]SCORE[/u][/b][/th] [/tr] [tr] [td]Gameplay[/td] [td]7[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td]Graphic[/td] [td]8[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td]Sounds & Effects[/td] [td]7[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td]Longevity[/td] [td]7[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td][b]OVERALL SCORE[/b][/td] [td][b]7[/b][/td] [/tr] [/table] [h2]WHAT I LIKED[/h2] [list] [*][b]Nostalgia intact[/b]: it’s like meeting an old friend… who still refuses to walk in a straight line. [*][b]Polished visuals[/b]: units look crisp, buildings collapse dramatically, and everything feels pleasantly shiny. [*][b]Soundtrack shines[/b]: the remastered music slaps harder than a priest yelling “Wololo”. [*][b]Campaigns & achievements[/b]: the real reason I kept clicking “Next Mission” at 2 AM. [/list] [h2]WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE[/h2] [list] [*][b]AI and balance issues[/b]: one AI booms like a pro, another forgets it exists, and the third sends units to die for sport. [*][b]Terrible pathfinding[/b]: my army apparently enjoys scenic tours of the map before fighting. [*][b]No formations[/b]: AoE II has them, this one doesn’t. My troops scatter like I just dropped a bag of marbles. [*][b]Weak civ differentiation[/b]: some civilizations feel like “Diet Civilizations™”. [*][b]Limited new content[/b]: great remaster, but not much evolution — like polishing a chariot without adding wheels. [/list] [h3]Short verdict[/h3] A beautifully remastered classic that still knows how to charm you — until your units decide to take the long way around a bush and die heroically for no reason. Perfect for nostalgic commanders and new players who want a retro RTS with modern shine. Less perfect if you expect deep tactical finesse or an AI that behaves like it has a brain. [i]Play it for the music, stay for the campaigns… and bring patience for your troops, who apparently majored in “Creative Pathfinding”.[/i]