Wounded - The Beginning

Teaboy's Basic(ish) Reviews....I read a lot of reviews when looking at games on Steam, and it quickly gets tiring – those who write involved, down to the micron scale reviews, although helpful, end up like looking at War & Peace when you’ve only got time for a quick 5 minute dump! This is middle of the road and to the point – not easy for me as I tend towards sesquipedalian loquaciousness! Vociferously Verbose? Alright, verbal diarrhoea. (Although I hate panning a developer’s work and all the time, effort and love they put into designing these – it is their life after all – this is my honest, personal opinion of my level of enjoyment. Sorry devs!). A note on time played: My Steam clock does not seem to work properly, indeed, it even minuses time on occasion! Plus, I have a tendency to wander off and leave games running at times, so time played may not be entirely accurate! Teaboy’s Tonsil Titillators or Toenail Titbits! (Rating) Tonsil Tickler (Totally Tops): The frenchy of which you always dreamt! To quote a master, “She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a Man’s tonsils!”. An absolute masterpiece and joy to play. The Tits (Terrific): Everyone loves playing with these! Not THE best bit, but such fun on their own you can be lost for hours....mmmm. What most games you really like score – perfection is so rare after all. Torso Teaser (Taker of your Time): It’s a flat stomach....sure it’s nice to look at, run your fingers over, slobber on a bit, sometimes that bellybutton gets your motor running....but it's just basically the corridor between the two ‘gaming rooms’. The definitive ‘Meh’ - the middle ‘sideways thumb’ option for which everyone on Steam cries. Todger/Tadger & (scroTum) Taters (Tedious): Is it an ‘a’ or is it an ‘o’? Who cares! The meat can be fun to play with for about 5 minutes of your entire day, the rest it just hangs there and generally gets in the way of doing something else. The main problem of course, is the two veg sticking to your inside thigh. This is what this game feels like – the occasional/rare bouts of fun, the rest bobbing like a 19th century British Policeman (now you know why!). Toenail Tornado (Total Toss): A playthrough so appalling it’s like being trapped in a Turkish sauna with the ugliest, hairiest, fattest, sweatiest beast of a neolithic hominid who’s trimming his toenails using pliers and the splinters are reminiscent of a scene from the Normandy Landings. My god how did this get released!? Teaboy Touts (Score): Hmmmm....Torso Teaser, I think? The Review: It's a positive review, fer sher, due to no glitches at all for me and smooth gameplay. One of my pet hates is slow games, and the run speed in this is, well, it's slow. This however, is not so bad, as the scenarios aren't so big as to mean it takes ages to get anywhere - the only down side is trying to flee the bad guys at such a slow run and low stamina bar (there is no bar!). Oh, this is a 'no action' game - you see a bad guy, you run! The other side of the coin is the cut-scenes that are right on the borderline of 'oh get on with it', mostly due to overly-long blackout intros/extros from the scenes. Just within acceptable parameters! Yes, graphics are so so - environment is actually very good but 'people' look pretty bad, and your skin! What is that, lubed latex lol - but I wasn't overly bothered by this, it was fine for what it was. I appreciated the continuous 'damage' to your character's body, but I must have missed the bit as to WHY he looked like his arm had been 'skinned'....The major annoyance of this game was the minute hit-boxes for clicking on items. I play with controller and the sensitivity makes it difficult, especially if you'rte in a rush running from baddies. People mention the story not making sense and jumping - it made perfect sense to me! The story jumped back n forth between two characters is all - when you transition between areas it gives you the story of the other guy who talks in the game. It's that simple. I struggled at the beginning cos I missed the coffee (and had no idea I need it), and then trying to find the problem with the first code door, but once I found the relevant places it was fairly straight forward without being overly simplistic. Nothing spectacular, it says the game is affected by certain things you do but I won't be replaying to see if you get a different ending - I don't even do that for Resident Evil games - but it does what it sets out to do, and frankly, that's what you require from anything. I don't even remember how I got this, but currently it's on 89% sale at a whopping 60 pennies! It's £5.49 full price, so the dev is certainly not trying to rip anyone off here! It even says they made it on ZERO budget/funding, so credit where it's due. Take an hour off playtime for literally having dinner! Short, but at 60p what are you complaining about!