[b]Revenge of the Gamer[/b] has got to be the best example I’ve ever seen of [b]why being self-aware doesn’t automatically make something better.[/b] We have a game where [i]the whole joke is that[/i] [b]Triple A Studio bad! [i]Gameplay generic and boring! Graphics poorly optimized! Obvious Al usage bad! Woke and DEI![/i] [/b] [b]blah blah blah DEATH TO THE GAMING INDUSTRY!!![/b] And like, [i]some[/i] of those things might be true, and it could be funny for a little while, but [b]the game itself has every single one of those problems [i]but even worse!!![/i] [/b] You’re just describing yourself at this point!! And even though I’m a connoisseur of [i]fine gaming garbage[/i] [spoiler](I unironically wrote a positive review for Big Rigs)[/spoiler] I’m sorry man, but [b]even I’ve got standards when it comes to this sort of thing![/b]
[b]Average straight white male gaming streamer is angry. Video games are now too diverse. Video games are now too politically correct. Video games focus too much on representation...[/b]and I guess [i]the gameplay is getting formulaic and graphics are bad and blah blah blah [b]gamers don’t care about things like that.[/b] [/i] [b]ANYWAY, average straight white male gaming streamer is going to do something about it. [i]He grabs his Samurai Sword[/i] [/b] [spoiler](y’know, something most gamers just have lying around in their basement)[/spoiler] [b]goes to the local Triple A gaming studio, [i]and then GOES ON A RAMPAGE[/i] [/b]…[i]bro, power fantasy much?[/i] The actual game part plays out like [i]the most basic definition of a hack-and-slash game imaginable.[/i] White Male Gamer has a sword. [b]Press the left mouse button to swing the sword.[/b] [spoiler]...that’s about it.[/spoiler] You can do things like jump and dodge, and the game [i]claims[/i] you can make combos and stuff, but I just ran around spamming the most basic attack for like an hour and [b]I beat like half the game.[/b] But [i]knowing thy enemy is half the battle[/i]; so who are you even fighting?...[b]pretty much every gamer stereotype ever.[/b] LOOK, all the developers are either morbidly obese men, women with dyed hair, or neckbeards! [b]Isn’t that frickin’ hilarious??[/b] Admittedly, I did find it pretty amusing that the 3D modelers (the game’s basic enemy with ranged attack! archetype) [i]just throw random pre-made assets at you[/i], like a chair, or a computer, or a [i]fridge.[/i] Other than that [i]somewhat[/i] cute detail, every enemy acts exactly like the guy who came last. But [i]just like any action game worth your time[/i], [b]Revenge of the Gamer has BOSSFIGHTS. THEY…[/b] [spoiler]more or less just act like the basic enemies, but have like a hundred times more health.[/spoiler] Sure, they have both melee [i]and[/i] ranged attacks, but it doesn’t look any cooler or more powerful than their henchmen fodder; and the whole thing just ends up being an excruciating test of [b]perseverance.[/b] And...[i]that’s pretty much it![/i] The levels are actually pretty big, but there’s absolutely no point in exploring, because there aren’t any hidden collectibles or really [i]anything[/i] worth looking around for, [b]because [i]almost every room is completely empty.[/i] [/b] You just run around, slice up generic fools with your one attack, [i]beat the generic boss fool[/i], [b]and do everything over again. [i]Rinse and repeat.[/i] [/b] But hey! [b]The main character is a straight white male![/b] [spoiler]Isn’t that the only thing that matters anymore?[/spoiler]
Recently, I’ve been seeing a lot of people use [b]“Unreal Engine slop”[/b] as a legitimate criticism for a game’s visuals; like, they’ll just say [b]“the graphics are unreal engine slop”[/b] and then [i]literally nothing else[/i] like that’s supposed to tell us anything about what the game actually looks like. I think it’s stupid, lazy, and I wish reviewers would stop saying it. SO, now that you know that, [b]you know that when I say Revenge of the Gamer is unreal engine slop, [i]I actually mean it.[/i] [/b] Every single prop and location looks like it came pre-made from the Unreal Engine store. It all just looks far too clean and unspecific; like [i]this could’ve come from a billion different other games[/i] [b](which… it likely has)[/b], helped [b]not at all[/b] by the [b]hideous[/b] abuse of copy and paste. [b]Everyone has the same chair, desk, computer, and notes on their whiteboard; [i]no matter how little sense it might make.[/i] [/b] The character models, while [i]maaaybe[/i] original to the game [spoiler](but I wouldn’t hold my breath)[/spoiler] all have the same canned animations and reactions and [b]even the same face.[/b] Our straight white male gaming prodigy [i]isn’t exactly any better.[/i] He’s like if you got a thousand different real life streamers together and just [i]mashed[/i] all of them into one face; getting the most [b]basic, featureless, [i]most vanilla dude imaginable;[/i] [/b] with just the [b]blankest of stares.[/b] And if an enemy is not actively attacking you, [spoiler]they’re just standing dead still, T Posing.[/spoiler] The voice acting is [i]obviously[/i] Al generated, and [i]while they make a couple of jokes about it[/i], it still doesn’t make the stiff performances any less grating. Objects are often found floating or clipping into other solids, enemies are commonly found glitching through the floor, I got softlocked like half a dozen times because a boss just decides to [spoiler]teleport out of the arena and never return[/spoiler], and the framerate is just [b]atrocious.[/b] Even on the lowest graphic settings, [i]this thing can hardly run 15 frames per second.[/i] If you have more than four enemies on screen, then [b]it can’t even go double digits.[/b] Combine that with a sickening side of motion blur, and [b]you’re just a mere seconds away from me covering my screen with puke.[/b] Now you’re probably asking, is there anything, [i]and I mean literally[/i] ANYTHING redeemable about this dumpster fire??...I like how in the factory level, you see a conveyor belt full of trashbags, and when they go into the machine, [spoiler]they turn into a box that says Game of the Year.[/spoiler] [b]that’s silly.[/b] One of the bosses says something along the lines of [b]“We’ve fixed all the issues in our premium edition!”.[/b] [i]that’s kind of funny.[/i] Al voices or not, it is neat how the character’s mouths are in complete sync with the spoken dialogue. [b]that’s a nice detail.[/b] [i]…I think that’s about it.[/i] [spoiler]...did I tell you the protagonist is a straight white dude?[/spoiler]
Amusing premise aside, [b]Revenge of the Gamer[/b] is one of the most repetitive, boring, unappealing, [i]and ultimately [b]pointless[/b] [/i] games I’ve ever played. It’s basically just the same spam fight over and over again for like two hours, all of which takes place in a hastily put together [i]free asset[/i] empty level layout. You claim that big Triple A Studios have ruined gaming, putting out unplayable slop and then expecting you to pay for it? [i]Well[/i], I’d really hate to tell you this, pal, [i]but..[/i] (*ahem*) [b]You’re not doing any better.[/b]
