GWENT: The Witcher Card Game

The best online card game out there

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Gwent is very easily one of the best parts of Witcher 3. Anyone who has played that game as obsessively as I have, on numerous platforms and almost always to 100% completion, has a distinct love of Gwent. It is fundamentally the best card game in a game besides maybe Queen's Blood in Final Fantasy 7. That being said, how does Gwent stand up as a stand alone? Incredibly well, the Witcher infused essence of Gwent, from its characters and its original literary basis, effectively undorkifies everything about it. Seeing literary characters appear and references to the original stories also is a treat. I am someone who unironically watched and preferred the original Polish television adaption (back when its international title was hilariously, Hexer) over the Netflix show. I also actually have read all the books. I dare say, the short stories and early main-entry books are better than Tolkien. However, the last two books are the pieces of literature I abhor and hate the most. That being said, I think I have a very strong, sensible appreciation for the Witcher, even owning many of its graphic novels. Thus, I can overlook the bias I have for the setting to recognize that Gwent can stand alone even without the Witcher connection. But the Witcher-ness of it adds so much, to the mood, the music, the factions. Gwent is full of soul and is deeply appreciative of its origins. In recent years, the community has been given the tools to handle balancing updates and effectively, the developers have not completely abandoned this very lively prospect. But can I recommend Gwent? Yes. But I will have to say, the skill ceiling is much higher than you expect. And while the nerds that play it are perhaps, more socially acceptable than Hearthsone and Yu-Gi-Oh players, there is still more than enough salt to make up a post-Soviet mine beneath the Urals. The salt content of Gwent players is more than any ocean we know of. The most virginal, unsexxed RPG enjoyers have laid an egg bore by the insectoid that is the card game community. This conjunction of spheres has resulted in the densest manifestation of unemployment, a black hole of social state welfare benefits. If you ever wondered what your tax payments are going to, it is going to effectively keeping the unwashed hogbeasts of the Gwent community alive. Gwent is truly genius, it is a card game that can be played one handed with a mouse, while some bridge troll can use his free hand to shove more doritos into his mouth, guzzle Monster energy and re-arrange his hentai doujins. I love Gwent, but after the first few ranks, you will perpetually see the same meta decks over and over. That being said, seeing a deck unique to a player often surprises you and while it often fails, its still exciting. But there is hardly anything fun facing the same three decks, often consecutively. It is deeply unfortunate that a game that honestly has such a good balance to deck building, is still utterly dominated by the sweats to the point their odorous discharges, in all of their taurine fermentation, assaults the senses even through the screen. Ultimately, the most fun to be had is actually in the non-ranked modes. I had far more fun, in every way, playing those modes than I ever did a single win streak in Ranked. But I must say, Ranked is absolutely an addicting loop of sadomasochistic punishment if you wish to partake in such flaggelation. There are no shortage of players and in the beginning, you will be facing people who can barely count their own cards when building their decks in the first place. Around rank 22 or so, you eventually will encounter the first of many skill ceilings. Experienced card game players/registered sex offenders will have no problem climbing to the pro ranks, but people with romantic prospects IRL and jobs will find it difficult to dedicate the necessary 200 hours to climb into the top single digits of ranked play. But for those who truly are addicted to their own virginity, the ranked is certainly for you but virtually no one will applaud you for such a climb. Once again, the other modes are so much more fun, balanced and the people are genuinely cheerful. But I think Gwent is best played with a friend. At least half of my hours are simply playing a friend and inventing esoteric decks to counter each other and the goal is almost always to simply have fun. To imagine how to dynamically create a deck that is frustrating, that slows the game to a crawl, or an intentionally useless, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ deck just to see what works. And sometimes, the most nonsensical and stupid decks sometimes surprise other players so much that it actually comes back around into pure brilliance. The art is fantastic, the animation of the cards is great and for the literate, there is a decent amount to actually absorb here. Gwent is a testament that something as dorky as a card game can actually be fun, bad ass and charming without most of the other stigma attached to it. Ignore the sweats of Ranked and play against your friends or in draft or the seasonal modes. Go into Gwent with the intent to have fun and not inflate an imaginary number ranking as if anyone cares or if anyone is sincerely looking through your achievements to judge your gaming credentials or not. Play Gwent, but don't let it player you, etc. Also, I never spent any money on the game except for some rare cosmetics and proper uses of mulliganing, round pacing, round bleeds, joint tactic win conditions and milling my own cards allowed me to beat some truly top tier, but also, clearly bought decks. in the end, the better skilled player who applies his hand most effectively with the conditions of the draw in mind as well as game-logic, will almost always win.

gwent is like booze to my portions

This game makes me violent

复活吧，我的昆特牌 :(