I was really excited at first.
Then after playing it for awhile; starting to realize the title should be: Repetitive Errand Slave aka Fetch-Quest Walking Simulator in Limbo.
Not Disneyland The Adventures Game, so misleading.
It should be more accurate like this:
>Disneyland: The Repetitive Purgatory Walking Simulator (The Forgotten Story of Another Gullible Braindead Guest)<
This game is probably a masterpiece if you’re five years old or a 'hardcore Disney fan'—which, let’s be honest, is the same level of emotional maturity. If you’re an adult and you actually enjoy this, please, by all means, continue wasting your one precious life.
I almost had a glimmer of hope that Merida might show up and add a spark of personality to this digital graveyard, but since the game crawled out a year before Brave even hit theaters, that dream died faster than a parent's soul in a gift shop line. So, yeah—there goes my hope, and there goes several hours of my life I’ll never get back.
And so my buddy goes, 'Oh, chillax, Merida’s in Disney Dreamlight Valley!' Are you kiddin' me? Have you seen the price on that thing?! It’s hella PRICEY! What, am I buying the actual rights to Scotland? It’s a digital ginger, Disney! Not even meet and greet with the most expensive celebrities on the planet!
I’m lookin' at the screen like, 'Who pays this?' I’ll tell you who: people with more money to mindlessly burn, while I am more carefully selective in buying games than anyone nowadays.
So I’m gonna sit here like Scrooge Dagobert McDuck and wait for a sale. When’s that gonna happen?
Who knows! Probably when Mickey finally gets indicted. Until then; I’m gonna sit here and patiently wait for it on sale like a normal human being.
When that’ll be? Maybe when the sun burns out.
But hey, at least I’ll still have my dignity and my self-control to spend wisely.
Now, listen, guys and gals. If you’ve played this game and absolutely loved it, or if you’re dying to give it a whirl—well, more power to you! I’m certainly not going to judge, twice.
Life is far too short to worry about how other people spend their time. If you want to spend your afternoon running errands for a dude in a plush rodent costume who—let's be honest—already owns 40% of the known universe, or for an erratic, pants-less cartoon duck, you go right ahead and have a ball!
It’s just not quite my cup of tea. To each their own, right? You enjoy your 'magic,' and I’ll be over here looking for an adventure that’s a little more... real. Though as fictional as it is.
And here’s the kicker, folks! You get into the park, you’re ready for the magic, and then you realize—you can’t actually ride the rides on this game!
It’s like buying a gourmet sandwich only to have the waiter sit down and eat it in front of you while you watch. You’re just sitting there with handcuffs, out of luck and out of money, witnessing someone else have the fun you paid for.
Okay, maybe not my best metaphor, but it’s like watching a gal describe a vacation she took with your money while you’re stuck at home folding her laundry!
It’s just… so lovely. You see all these happy little NPCs, skipping around with their families, enjoying every single ride like they don’t have a care in the world.
And then there’s my avatar.
I am standing there all alone, like a forgotten little orphan banished to a forsaken land. Everyone is ignoring me. It’s like I’m a ghost, but without the cool haunting powers. It’s not just a game; it’s a tiny, digital punch to the gut.
Kawaii, right?
No. It's just sad.
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
EXT. Disneyland Main Street (in the game)
*Me*
Sure those Disney characters are there to take selfie, hug, dance etc with you, but what is the most important thing we want to try when we enter Disneyland, folks?
*Everyone in unison*
THE RIDES!!
*Disney Employees corrected them*
THE ATTRACTIONS!!!
*Me*
Yeah, whatever you calling it. Gamers won't be able to enjoy all of them in this game. Only itsy bitsy few of it.
So lame.
*Donald Duck knocks me out with a sucker punch*
What’s the big idea?!
Why not go to Disneyland and live the real experience there?
Aw, phooey!
*Then Goofy frantically runs to help*
Gawrsh, Donald! Why can't you settle it with cool headed attitude?! Though I agree, you must go to the REAL Disneyland to support our employees.
A-hyuck!
They need to feed their families and....(cut off because Donald punches Goofy on his face and make him stumble, fall into a nearby open manhole!)
Ya-ha-ha-hooie!
*Mickey Mouse shows up try to calm Donald's infamous tantrum*
Now, now Donald. Don't use violence. Not in front of the guests. This is the place of happiness as Walt...
--STATIC fills the screen. The connection abruptly CUTS OFF.
NO TRANSMISSION.
SIGNAL LOST.
FADE TO BLACK.--
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
About the Ride vs Attraction.
Think of it like "The Oscars" vs. "The Academy Awards"—everyone knows what you mean when you say "ride," but the "fancy" name is "attraction."
Officially since Sunday on July 17, 1955. The year of its grand opening.
I wholeheartedly agreed and respected Walt Disney's visions.
I truly madly deeply loved the REAL DISNEYLAND!
I was quite bamboozled about the existence of Disneyland The Adventures Game. Which the first time I bought it was Disneyland: The Game. They changed the title recently.
Sheesh, they think we won't notice it.
... that's it. I'm done with this half hearted game. 'Nuff said.
