Would absolutely invade my neighbor again. I bought Total War: Warhammer III expecting a fantasy strategy game. Instead, I got a comprehensive political education where every faction has apparently discovered a different way to violate international law.
Kislev: Your economy is collapsing, your cities are freezing, and everyone is angry.
Solution? Conscription. You are now running Eastern Europe Simulator.
Cathay: The emperor has centralized everything, controls trade, maintains an enormous bureaucracy, and occasionally turns into a dragon.
Khorne: Diplomacy is for cowards. Their policy consists of: Find country. Kill country. Kill the survivors. Ask why nobody wants diplomatic relations. Somehow still has better economic growth than my country.
Nurgle: You don't conquer territory. You improve public health outcomes negatively. The game should honestly have a warning: “Playing as Nurgle may violate several international conventions.”
Slaanesh: Everything is about excess. Gold? Excess. Food? Excess. War crimes? Excess. This faction somehow made the Geneva Convention feel like a suggestion box.
Tzeentch: Every time I think I understand what is happening, Tzeentch changes the rules. I don't even play the faction anymore. I just assume my government has been overthrown by my own advisor.
Skaven: Fascism? Democracy? Communism? No. Rat Communism. Everyone is equal because everyone is equally disposable. The Skaven have successfully invented a political system where the state owns everything, the workers own nothing, and the leadership owns several million slaves. Karl Marx would uninstall this.
Greenskins: No ideology. No manifesto. No political platform. Just Boiz doing WAAAGH. Honestly, the most honest political movement in the game.
Chaos Dwarfs: Basically, industrial capitalism entering the chat. They looked at slavery, child labor, pollution, weapons manufacturing, and environmental destruction and said: “What if we made this an economic strategy?” And somehow it works.
Vampire Counts: Immigration policy is simple. Everyone comes in. Nobody leaves. The ultimate closed-border policy.
Empire: A technologically advanced bureaucracy held together by paperwork, artillery, religious disputes, and one guy named Karl Franz desperately trying to prevent the entire country from collapsing. So... government simulator.
Dwarfs: They have spent 2,000 years maintaining a spreadsheet of everyone who has ever mildly inconvenienced them. Honestly, terrifying administrative efficiency.
Wood Elves: “Protect nature.” Burns down your settlement because it is located slightly too close to a tree. Environmentalism has never been this aggressive.
This is an excellent game. It teaches economics, diplomacy, logistics, military strategy, religion, political extremism, industrialization, colonialism, environmental policy, and why giving one person absolute power is probably a bad idea.
10/10. Apparently you are not supposed to call exterminating an entire species “population management.”
