Jacob The Farmer

E GESU' PIANSE, PERCHE NON VI ERANO ALTRE MERAVIGLIE AD ATTENDERLO NEL CREATO DI SUO PADRE IO PURE, PERCHE' I MIEI OCCHI NON REGGONO TANTA MAGNIFICENZA LAVICA TUTTA INSIEME NO SCHERZO, NON SONO RIUSCITO A FINIRLO CHE S'E' BUGGATO PURE LA CISTE DELLA MALORA

This game is such a mess. To start off, the entirety of the final boss is basically "Die a couple of times until the devil just leaves his hans still and you can one shot him". After that, there's a big can of worms: -The platforms knock you away when you jump towards them 1/3 of the time. -The platforms go through your character the other 1/3 of the times. -The enemies are just "spin around them and occaionally hit them to kill them". -The game has Fredbear's laugh from Fnaf 4 for some reason. -Repetitive music. -Almost no sound effect. -If you die on some parts and respawn outside of certain areas, you're stuck and cannot go through. -You need to perfectly memorize every single platform because the jump is impossible to control and the game is incredibly punitive. -You can save at any point and respawn from them, this however can lead to soft locks (if you save on a moving platform, it won't respawn you on that platform but into the void left after it moved). -The game is just frustrating and is just unfunny. -Terrible models and textures. -You can attack while in the death animation. Even I could prevent this from happening (in Godot tho) -When you click "continue" from the menu, the cursor won't be captured unless you press the attack button. Again, even I could prevent this from happening (still, in Godot, never used Unreal). -Poor illumination and models. -The game kinds of just... ends? Never an animation, or sound. Just a "The end".

666/10 Цікава кумедна гра з цікавими героями та локаціями. Нічого більше, нічого меньше.

Jack the Farmer isn’t a game. It’s a bad joke that escaped from early beta testing and accidentally ended up on public release. While the title might suggest a peaceful countryside vibe or some strategic farming fun, the reality is so absurd it could’ve been written by a drunk soap opera writer. Graphics? Tragic. It looks like someone accidentally hit Export to Windows 98 in MS Paint. The textures are flat, animations are jittery, and Jack moves like he has a different number of joints in each leg. If this is supposed to be nostalgic retro style, it's a slap in the face to actual retro games. Gameplay? If mashing random buttons for absolutely no result counts as a mechanic, congratulations – you’ve discovered a new low in game design. There's no logic, no pacing, no goals, and zero incentive to keep playing. “Farming” in this context means suffering. Sound design? Imagine a 1997 dial-up modem being tortured by a kazoo. That’s the level we’re dealing with. The repetitive sound effects will make you wish you were deaf after ten minutes. Storyline? Is there one? Who knows. The narrative sounds like it was run through Google Translate three times and came out as complete nonsense. Jack is apparently “saving the farm,” but there’s literally nothing in the game that shows this. Just endless, soulless emptiness. Overall experience? Jack the Farmer is digital waterboarding. A game that should be banned under the Geneva Conventions. If anyone ever recommends this to you, cut them out of your life immediately. And to the developers: I hope this was meant as satire, because otherwise, it’s professional suicide. Final score: -100/10. Yes, it’s that bad.

This was the easiest game i've played so far. Me and my friends challenged each other into a 1v1 or a speedrun type of gameplay (I finished the entire game within 25 mins) TWICE. while my friend was stuck on the parkour stage of the game. its actually fun if u have a friend thats impatient and gets mad every single time and u see his facial expressions recommend definetly.

cinema

For most of my life, I have been a relatively simple man. Simple not only in terms of tastes, but looks and feelings. And, for a long time, I thought for sure that this is the only way of life I would ever know. And yet, as fate would have it, I was reminded of how easy it is for life to throw a curve ball your way. A wrench in your plans. An opposing view. An altered state of mind. In this case, that curve ball just so happened to be this outstanding piece of media. After taking the time to relish in every single minute out of the hour I spent with this game, my mind has been opened. Unshackled, if you will. I see possibilities in my life that I had never once pondered. I view my life more differently now than I ever could have thought possible. My confidence? Through the roof. Looks? I would absolutely ♥♥♥♥ a clone of myself, even as a straight man. Emotion? There are no words to describe the abundance of feeling I now encounter. If I had told my past self that this was my future, I dont think I ever would have been ready to undergo such a change. And yet, here I am. I have been blacklisted from every therapist within the country, as they simply can not handle my newfound mental fortitude. The few times I tried, the therapists simply broke down in tears, groveling at my feet. Crying to me. Begging to me, to share with them my newfound knowledge. And yet, before I could bestow this upon them, security dragged them away. I am forever in the debt of Jacob the Farmer, and I hope one day I can repay this godly figure for all he has done for me. 11/10, the greatest there ever was.